I was looking for all the right words to express how I feel about GDPR and the new regulations and still stay within the right side of the law… and well, I found this. I think the awesome people at Writers’ HQ got it right, and I’m stealing/borrowing from them!
My favorite parts are the splendid and sweary bits. 😉
I’m an overworked PRN author who is also addicted to reading. What little time and energy I have left after putting out all the smutty goodness in my books, so I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that I’m not evil – I’m as corruptible as anyone – I’m just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.
I collect and store the info I need to provide you with the news and information about all the wonderful words I put on paper. I occasionally stalk you via Facebook adverts. That’s really it.
Stalky Visitor Tracking
Look, we’re following you, ok? We use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people looking at so we can write more of the stuff you like.
We also have the Facebook Pixel installed so that we can sell you stuff. Yes you heard it. We are a business and – shocker – we want you to spend money with us. The Facebook Pixel means that we can see how people interact with our site and with Facebook adverts and then we try to flog you relevant stuff. If you’ve not seen the Facebook Ads analytics dashboard MAN ALIVE it’s stalker central. That shit is a terrifying Black Mirror horror show. If you’re not on Facebook – well bloody done but the pixel is tracking you anyway.
Don’t know if there’s a specific Facebook Pixel blocking thing but we accidentally discovered that if you use Freedom app to block social media while you’re writing it also blocks the FB pixel. Handy hints!
We also use AddThis which shows us what content people are sharing. This is because we like to compete about whose content is doing the best. You can’t block this because it’s not tracking you, it’s tracking our content.
None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with us by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing our stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE WRITING.
DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal fuck-tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?
Here on this website! If you register with the site we will store your name and email address. If you buy stuff from us we will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number if you give it to us, and purchase history. Your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. We obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only two people have access to it. Only one of them ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have.
We’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing surprising or radical with your info. We use your purchase history to target you with ads for stuff you might like. For e.g. more smexy books. Does that make us EvilMegaCorp? Idk, it’s fairly standard isn’t it?
MailerLite! If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on our site – newsletter, your name and email address also wangs its way over to MailerLite, which is the system we use to manage our newsletters and emails. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button. It’s at the bottom of each email in the footer.
If you sign up to my newsletter, I will send you a newsletter – generally once a week, but occasionally more if there is more interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in MailerLite.
MailerLite automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you don’t look at our emails WE KNOW.
The most important thing about this is we have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.
Your right to be deleted…
If you want to go undercover, just chuck me an email at email@example.com and I’ll delete all the info I have on you from our systems while having a passive aggressive huff about what we could have possibly done wrong.
This does not include PayPal and Stripe. If you want to delete your PayPal or Stripe accounts you have to do that yourself via PayPal or Stripe. I cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset.
Just so you know, though, you won’t be able to access my emails anymore. I’m not being a dick, it’s because we need your email address so we know where to send it.
Social Media and Crap
I use social media. A lot. Partly to promote my books but mostly to hang out with all my author and reader friends. If you talk to me on Facebook and I become familiar with you, I might find you on Twitter and say hello. You can ask me to be less friendly if you wish and I will of course respect your boundaries.
You are not required to follow our social media accounts, but I’m happy when you do. If someone associated with me turn out to be racist, bigoted dipshit then I wanna know so I can tell them to go to hell.